| |
|
|
|
|
| |
|
 |
|
|
When two will no longer do
I was somewhat stunned after a
conversation with a young man involved in an “Open Relationship” after he justified the relationship by saying
 ,
“You either excuse infidelity or make room for it.” He further explained that
this kind of relationship works best for him due to his high sexual appetite. I
then questioned him about how this kind of relationship works, and he explained
that there are certain “rules of engagement” couples in these types of
relationships should abide by, rules which include both parties “playing
together”, no kissing anyone else on the lips, and oh yes, never look the third
party in the eyes during sex. Sounds like that last one could be pretty tricky
for sure. If you’re like me you see many pit falls ahead for those who involve
themselves in these types of relationships, but before I sort through those
issues here’s a word from Carmen Wheatley, (a columnist
on Apoeticlife.com), on the subject.
“I’ve
never really given the idea of an open relationship too much thought. Sure, I’ve heard about them, but I guess
since they are consenting “adults” and aren’t hurting anyone (technically), my
frame of mind has pretty much been “whatever floats their boat”. Although, I must admit that when I saw a scene
with a swinger party on CSI (Crime Scene Investigation – Las Vegas) the other day, the word that
immediately came to my mind was “ewhhh”.
I’m not a prude, but it’s definitely not a lifestyle choice that I would
make for myself. Within the context of a
loving and committed relationship, I consider sex to be a very personal
expression of oneself…an intimate communication. In my opinion random sex with other people,
diminishes the significance of such an exchange between committed partners. Besides, I believe that we are putting
ourselves in a very precarious position, both individually and as a society when we allow our urges to
control our actions, rather than the other way around.”
 Carmen makes a very
important point about random sex diminishing any relationship worth having. I’m
thinking that if your bedroom door is always
“open”, why just not take the damn thing off the
hinges? Because,
by being in an “Open Relationship” you’ve already decided that no real intimacy will
happen, nor can there be any real commitment to
that individual and for that matter, yourself.
For you have already decided that sex is more important than love, because lets
be honest, love don’t have a damn thing to do
with it, anyway I digress. Thank You Ms. Wheatley for
your contribution. To balance the discussion, up comes an
opinion from the opposite side of what Ms. Wheatley and I have already
expressed, and it comes to us from a self proclaimed libertine, which by definition is someone who is unrestrained
by convention or morality. Need I say more?
“I
am not monogamous. But I am not a swinger, polyandrous, or a cheater. I'm a
libertine. I don't justify having sex with multiple partners by saying I love
each one of them, so I'm not poly. I'm not legally married, emotionally
monogamous, and I don't conduct my sex life as an organized couples' activity,
so I'm not a swinger. I don't lie to my lovers about my promiscuity, so I'm not
a cheater. I'm a sexual free agent, both physically and emotionally -- a
libertine. Though I've been in love several times, I separate sex from love,
and love need not always be present when I have sex. People have sex for a wide
variety of reasons, and there's not just one "right" way to engage in
it. As long as those involved are fully consenting adults, there is no wrong or
right about it.
My relationship life consists of having several "friends with
benefits" and "f#%kbuddy" relationships, all of whom are free to
see others. I have one-night stands from time to time, when I feel the need for
one. I usually have one primary lover at any given time, with whom I also
engage in nonsexual, regular dating activities. I do not cohabitate with any of
them. The cast of lovers naturally shifts as the years go by, and relationships
generally end after they've run their course: of boredom and benign neglect,
rather than by any dramatic breakups.” - Rudy "Monogamy
is a sacred cow"
As long as we still have a
conscience there will always be a wrong and a right. Life
has also taught me that sometimes our choices aren’t between what’s wrong and what’s
right but between what we can bear and what we cannot.
No, it’s not always between good and evil, but sometimes it’s between the more
or lesser of two. Sometimes none of these choices are left up to you, sometimes
what we get left with are the effects of what those who had choices chose to
do. Too often this is
 the case for children born into a life less than what they deserve or would choose to have, all
because they where born to parents who regard monogamy as a sacred calf, born
out of wedlock to a sacred cow. Thank God although some of us were the result
of bad choices our parents wised up and did the best they knew how. Choices are
what it comes down to whether we are talking about “Open Relationships” or not, and in our many doings I
believe our conscience is the best navigator we’ve got. When our choices become
more complicated then simply what is wrong or right, we may need complete
silence and darkness, so that we may hear that
still small voice that wishes to guide us to the light.
02/11/08
Copyright © 2008 Akil Johnson All Rights
Reserved Note: All pictures are provided for entertainment purposes and do not represent actual people in the story. |
|
| |
|
|
|
| Rachael |
This was all brought home to me last week, when I had one of the strangest dinner conversations I've ever had. A guy I'd never met, but who knows some friends of mine, started contacting me by email. He was very persistent, and charming, so I invited him to a reading I was giving. He showed up, and we went for dinner afterward. I wasn't sure if it was a date -- it could've been, but was unclear -- or whether I wanted it to be. Until, that is, he told me he has a girlfriend. He said it matter-of-factly, like it was just a simple fact, dropped as nonchalantly as his hometown.
As it turns out, although they live together and have been a couple for six years, he gets around, and often. He seemed utterly non-conflicted as he estimated that, on average, he sleeps with another woman once a month. To his credit, he has no misperceptions about what he's doing. "I'm not a swinger, I'm a cheater," he said. Sadly, I'm sure he is far from alone in his extracurricular mating habits. Do you that it would be better that people like this guy girl friend would be better off in an “Open Relationship” because she would know? |
|
|
| Possitivity |
| An Open Relationship is very sickening. Children really don't need to be in that type of environment for they can become so confused about the intimate part of life. Adults in these type of relationship really need to sit down and consider their ways before it's too late. Thanks for sharing and opening our eyes to such things. |
|
|
| Caramel |
I really dont kno why any one would knowingly subject themselves to an open relationship for in the first place...but people have their preferences...
Additionally, i dont think that his girlfriend would be better off in an open relationship, she would be better off he she is told the truth, plain and simple, then she decides what she wanna do after that.
As far as i am concerned, an open relationship is no relationship at all. |
|
|
| interesting |
| Open relationships as it were is indicative of a selfish society. It breeds nothing short of contempt for one's self, others involved and those who aren't involved. The truth of the matter is, it affects everyone. The woven cloth of society's moral and value system is being unravelled daily. First we had women's lib, abortion rights and now we endeavor to further tear down the sexual morale of our communities. What are our children to think? That the behavior is the norm? We've become so complacent as a society that all that is evil will be accepted as right. All I can say is this is an interesting article. I was asked to have an open marraige with someone among other 'open activities'. That is definitely not something that I am 'open' to as participation leaves you 'open' to so much more. Lack of self respect, lack of value, depression, diseases.....come on.....when are we going to start living our lives without emotions or 'feelings' dictating our actions? |
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
